“O My Sustainer! Thou hast indeed bestowed upon me some knowledge of the inner meaning of happenings. Originator of the heavens and the earth! Thou art near unto me in this world and in the life to come: let me die as one who has surrendered himself unto Thee, and make me one with the righteous!” Surah 12:101
When we begin to believe that God is in relationship with us, we begin to claim God’s sustaining presence in our lives. We recognize and embrace that “some knowledge of inner meaning” has been bestowed upon us. As we live into this gift, as beautiful as it is, we also need to be aware that our thinking about God is limiting.
It’s natural to imagine what God looks like, what emotions God has, how God moves, thinks, chooses, designs, and judges. Images of God appear everywhere in our society, through art, literature, religious texts, sermons, music, even on billboards! We absorb descriptions of how God is, and with no conscious efforts on our part, they can become our understanding of God.
This is fine as long as we remember that we are experiencing all of this within our own limitations, our finite selves. Our very own imaging of God will always restrain God. Be kind to yourself. Who doesn’t want to think of God as protecting, blessing, answering prayers, giving, and supporting.
As you are kind to yourself, be also aware of a trap – thinking that God is on your side. For instance, if you are healthy, well that’s a gift from God as a reward; and if you are sick, hmmm….. does that mean you are not praying hard enough? Or trusting in God well enough? Is hardship sent to you as a judgment that you are not adequate in God’s eyes?
This thinking in false equivalences is deceptive: if you are blessed, then you must be good. If you are suffering, then you must be sinful. It doesn’t take much movement to believe next that rather than receiving blessings, you are the Blessing, and rather than receiving hardships, you are the Condemned.
Yusuf, son of Jacob, grandson of Abraham, gives us a way out. Faith did not protect him from hardship. He trusted that he was in God’s hands, no matter what, and that he would always find inner meaning in his life by relying on the Originator of the Heavens. In surrendering he was naming God, not with words or thinking but by yielding to God’s care for him, however it came.
This surrendering becomes the essence of our connection with our Creator.
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One of my parishioners was dying of cancer. She wanted to die at home and arranged care through hospice and other private sources. She was intentional about the time she had left. She greeted everyday as a gift, even though each dawn would usher in pain and fear and anxiety.
One day, she realized, despite her own inner urging, she wasn’t praying. She was worried about the End Times, the Day of Judgment. Was she worthy? Not being able to pray was disconcerting. She was impatient with her lack of faith in trusting that she was a beloved child of God. And then, one day, it just happened. She heard in a clear vision, a call, “The Only I Am is here. Rest your heart with me.” As she told me about her experience, she laughed. “I know it was God because I never thought of God as The Only I Am.
One day not long after God’s “visitation”, I walked through her front door and there was a large sign, alerting whoever was coming in that they were entering sacred space. All needed to take three breaths with their eyes open and three breaths with their eyes closed and to put their own concerns and worries and anxieties aside. All needed to pay attention to the mysterious space they had just entered. She wrote:
“I’m dying; I am sensitive. I need your love and care, but most of all I need you to be alert to who we are together, just as I am, just as you are. Your rushing and your efficiency do not honor my dying. Silence is welcomed.
“We are not in prayer; we are a prayer.”
Day 13: Reflection
How are you a prayer?
