In the Name of God, the All Merciful, Ever Merciful
By time, passing, humankind is in a state of loss, except those who believe, and do good deeds, urging one another toward truth, and urging one another, towards patience. Surah 103
We are invited to consider time passing, to recognize both the infinite expanse of all that is beyond us as well as our own perceived existence. Unlimited time, coupled with measurable time, gives us the opportunity to name our own fragility within the magnitude of God’s boundless realm. No matter what we think about the ‘after life,’ we can see the brevity of our own life as unequivocal truth. And there’s nothing we can do about it.
Except maybe to imagine God’s boundless realm. Easier said than done, even for one who believes. For me, it’s like imagining who I was in the womb. I don’t doubt I was there, but it’s not as real as living life, or so I think.
It’s times like these that I need to remember to remember. The Divine is always resurrecting, every day, making “whole even our very fingertips” (See Surah 75:4). We are eternal, always within the Womb of Divine Love, whether we are aware or not.
Any boundary between life and death is an illusion. How then to live?
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One of my students, while reading Surah 103, wrote to me:
“When I really acknowledge that my life is short, and that it surely will come to an end, then an immediate anxiety takes over my soul: why am I here, and what will I do with the time I have left? And most importantly, how do I find significance at the end of a seemingly insignificant day?”
He continued, “With these thoughts I feel lost. This ‘lostness’ is not a punishment from God, but a punishment from my own consciousness. Is this something that we all inflict upon ourselves? I think to be conscious of time passing without being conscious of God is to be in a state of existential suicide.”
This student and I enjoyed many cups of coffee as he struggled with his desire to define true freedom. One day he told me, “My capacity to be aware is the paradox of free will, because with awareness comes torment.”
He then asked, “Is this the extent of my life, to try to find solace, often in unhealthy ways, as a response to torment? Is there more than just the insignificance of time passing and doing all that we can to avoid pain?”
It was a real question. It’s times like these that I am tempted to rush in with answers, to alleviate angst, and to share the confidence I have in my own faith. Here he was – a Senior, quite brilliant, struggling to graduate, who was brought up as Muslim but had not read much of the Qur’an until now; here he was sitting in my office in some disciplinary trouble.
“You know, Dean H, I am beginning to see all the verses of the Qur’an through this question, “How am I not insignificant?”
“How do you answer that question?” I asked.
“As I see it, the whole world submits to God’s order, by God’s natural laws, by design. The moon does not wake up in the morning trying to decide what to do. The Sustainer of the World, or however you want to name the Big Bang, literally holds everything up.
It’s God’s blueprint. But then there is me. I have a choice. You have a choice. Humanity is the exception. Will we be a part of God’s blueprint, accepting God’s writing on our soul?”
“What do you think?” I asked.
“This is what Prophet Muhammad meant when he said that submission was the true religion. I never really understood it before. I thought it was about acquiescing, but now I think it’s about finding the freedom not to be insignificant.”
“Do you see yourself as one who submits?” I asked.
“I’m not sure, but right now I read Surah 103 every day. It’s a prayer for me, taped to my computer screen. I am making a choice to do ‘good deeds’ not as a moral response, but rather as a response of gratitude for all that I have received. I am trusting that I will find truth, find patience. I’m trusting that God is not done with me yet.”
As the student left my office, I could feel tears. I gave thanks to God for the significance of this young man’s life, so holy and so eternal.
Day 30: Reflection
As we come to the end of Ramadan, in celebration of the Eid, and as we prepare for Holy Week, in celebration of Easter, may we remember to remember that we are all so holy and so eternal.
